The following day, I attended a workshop about preventing gender violence, facilitated by Katz. There, he posed a question to all of the men in the room: “Men, what things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?”
Not one man, including myself, could quickly answer the question. Finally, one man raised his hand and said, “Nothing.” Then Katz asked the women, “What things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?” Nearly all of the women in the room raised their hand. One by one, each woman testified:
“I don’t make eye contact with men when I walk down the street,” said one.
“I don’t put my drink down at parties,” said another.
“I use the buddy system when I go to parties.”
“I cross the street when I see a group of guys walking in my direction.”
“I use my keys as a potential weapon.”
The women went on for several minutes, until their side of the blackboard was completely filled with responses. The men’s side of the blackboard was blank. I was stunned. I had never heard a group of women say these things before. I thought about all of the women in my life — including my mother, sister and girlfriend — and realized that I had a lot to learn about gender."
TRIGGER WARNING: CISSEXISM, CISSEXIST SLURS
By Guest Contributor Tami Winfrey Harris, cross-posted from What Tami Said
I’ve got little love for anyone who spends time cackling with Joan Rivers at other women’s looks, but Kelly Osbourne’s recent comments are putrid and nasty even for a Rivers acolyte.
From The Daily Mail [HT Celebitchy]:
Kelly Osbourne has had perhaps the most embarrassing celebrity break-up of all time. After gushing to the world how in love she was with ex-fiancé Luke Worrall it all went wrong when she found out he had allegedly cheated on her with a transsexual who is awaiting gender reassignment surgery.
Kelly claims that she was absolutely humiliated when she had to tell her parents Ozzy and Sharon that the love of her life had reportedly cheated with Elle Schneider. The 27-year-old told Glamour Magazine: ‘Having to tell them my fiance had cheated on me with a tranny who sold his/her story to the press [was the most uncomfortable moment]. It was so humiliating.’
Osbourne explained how she found it difficult to understand why male model Luke would cheat on her with a man after being together for around a year and a half.
She added to the magazine: ‘Everyone kept telling me that Luke was cheating on me, but I never believed them. It’s hard enough to get your head around someone cheating on you, but when someone is a chick with a d**k? Up until then, I’d always thought that the worst way to get cheated on would be with an ugly girl. Don’t you think?’
The singer has come under fire from Transadvocate.com for her choice of words to describe transgender model Elle Schneider.
Transadvocate.com, which was created by Marti Abernathey, recently posted an article titled “Kelly Osbourne’s Transphobic Rant: Humiliated by Chicks With Dicks and Trannys.”
The author of the article called Osbourne’s words ‘hate filled’ and Transadvocate.com also took to Twitterand said:
‘@MissKellyO People die because people talk like you did of us. You should learn what being an ally is. Seriously.’
Kelly replied: ‘@transadvocate I APOLOGIZED words can be misinterpreted please stop this it brakes my heart to think i have ever offended any1 that is lgbt (sic).’
After several more exchanges on the social website Kelly realized that Transadvocate.com had called her a ‘bigot’ and pleaded to be left alone.
She said: ‘@transadvocate all u r doing is spreading more hate this needs to stop! i apologized you accepted now please move on and stop this ugliness (sic).’ Read more …
Osbourne’s transphobic, hate-filled comments are appalling. Equally appalling are the lengths some people will go to justify bigoted behavior. Take, for instance, some comments about the issue on the Celebitchy gossip site:
- This is a tough call…..are the terms pleasant? Nope. Should they be used conversationally? Nope. Would I have called her out for it since she was describing humiliation and heartbreak? Nope, wouldn’t have used THIS precise opportunity to call her a bigot. Girl was heartbroken — she was speaking emotionally……..just, very….PUBLICLY. So, poor choices all around, but none of this feels HATEFUL, at its core.
- well while i agree that the phrase may be hurtful to the transexual community as a whole, as far as caring how the words might have hurt Elle, I think Kelly is right to care less. Elle slept with her fiance and then sold the story for $$.
- She got cheated on. Of course what she has to say about the situation is not going to be complimentary.
No. This is not how equality works. Unfortunately, this sort of thinking is not uncommon. I’ve heard similar justifications for outbursts of bigotry, including racism, sexism and homophobia, that happens in the heat of passion.
When you believe that a group of people intrinsically have value equal to your own, you believe it all the time and deep in your heart. This belief is not contingent on your being in a good mood. The belief doesn’t go away when a marginalized person makes you angry or annoys you. If you have it in you to use epithets when hurt, then you have it in you all the time.
Someone who believes black people have value as human beings and that African ancestry is not a mark of dishonor would never call a black person nigger. Ever. Because if you are not racist, you will be not racist even when a black person is, say, rude to you in a department store. If you believe that women are equal to men, then a woman who cuts you off in traffic doesn’t become a whore and a bitch. Equality of gender, race and sexuality are not situational things.
Kelly Osbourne did not simply call out another woman for helping her boyfriend cheat. That would have been defensible, though hopefully she would reserve most of her ire for the person who broke his commitment to her. Osbourne attacked her rival’s gender with denigrating comments that illustrate her belief that trans women are inferior to cis women. If Osbourne doesn’t believe this, why is it particularly embarrassing to her that her ex stepped out with a woman who is allegedly awaiting gender reassignment surgery? Comments like these cannot be erased with an OMG…sorry. And it takes tremendous gall to accuse an advocacy group with “spreading hate” for calling you out on your “isms.” A better response would be a sincere apology followed by a commitment to education about trans issues. And, if I may be so bold, since Osbourne claims to be an ally to the GLBT community, I’d like to suggest a little something I wrote last year: When Allies Fail.
I would also suggest adopting a new mantra. Osbourne is likely not familiar with the call and response of the black church. If you are, repeat after me:
Bigotry is wrong…all the time. All the time…bigotry is wrong.
what the FUCK it just amazes me that she would say something as revolting as this “It’s hard enough to get your head around someone cheating on you, but when someone is a chick with a d**k?” and then completely backtrack and be so upset that she offended the lgbt community??? is she drunk? please tell me she is drunk because I don’t want to believe that anyone is actually this stupid
Note to Self is a performance that deals with gay, lesbian, bi and transgender people who have died due to hate crimes committed against them. Coble compiled a list of 436 names of these individuals, through research on various websites, news reports and official and unofficial documentation. The list started and ended with the word “anonymous” to acknowledge the many lives that were taken that my list didn’t include.
During a solid twelve-hour timeframe these names were tattooed, with no ink, onto the surface of Coble’s body. He had these names inklessly tattooed on his body as a reference to the brutality of these murders; many of the victims had slurs such as dyke or faggot carved into their bodies.
After each name was completed, a Blood Painting was made by pressing a sheet of paper directly against the fresh abrasion. These prints were then places on the walls of the gallery. As the list of name compiled on his body the same list was mirrored on the gallery walls.
The first three hours of this performance was open to the public while the last nine hours were webcast so the audience could watch via the net.
Naheed Mustafa (via grrrlstudies)
Tami Winfrey Harris, If you’re a bigot when you’re angry, you’re a bigot all the time (Racialicious)
I will continue to use my voice for those we’ve lost due to hate, misunderstanding, fear, and ignorance. I know that I have struggled, but I also know through those struggles I have gained a lot of privilege in my life, even if I’m not always aware of it. No matter where I go in life, I will continue to fight and make others aware of the intersections/struggles related to the oppression we suffer due to our societal hierarchies, stereotypes, assumptions and distribution of financial assistance/focus.
so fucking sad
‘Cause the thing is, you and the guys you hang out with may not really mean anything by it when you talk about crazy bitches and dumb sluts and heh-heh-I’d-hit-that and you just can’t reason with them and you can’t live with ‘em can’t shoot ‘em and she’s obviously only dressed like that because she wants to get laid and if they can’t stand the heat they should get out of the kitchen and if they can’t play by the rules they don’t belong here and if they can’t take a little teasing they should quit and heh heh they’re only good for fucking and cleaning and they’re not fit to be leaders and they’re too emotional to run a business and they just want to get their hands on our money and if they’d just stop overreacting and telling themselves they’re victims they’d realize they actually have all the power in this society and white men aren’t even allowed to do anything anymore and and and…
I get that you don’t really mean that shit. I get that you’re just talking out your ass.
But please listen, and please trust me on this one: you have probably, at some point in your life, engaged in that kind of talk with a man who really, truly hates women–to the extent of having beaten and/or raped at least one. And you probably didn’t know which one he was.And that guy? Thought you were on his side."