Anonymous asked: how many guys have you slept with?

behold: a rant

I don’t like this question! I think it quantifies sex, is heteronormative, and reduces sexual experience to whether or not you had a dick in your pussy, which simultaneously excludes really positive sexual experiences and includes really negative ones.

one of the best sexual experiences I ever had was when I gave a handjob to the guy I liked at the time, sitting face to face at my house, and I had him convulsing and shuddering and smiling all over my loungeroom floor as he came in my hands. and yet apparently that’s not meaningful or noteworthy because I never had penetrative sex with him? alternatively, in compiling this list, should I count the guys that raped me? I mean, that’s dick in vagina, right? what exactly is important here? what if I’d only had sex with girls? are lesbian women virgins?

I also sense that nobody ever asks this question unless they have the intention of judging me or drawing some conclusion about me based upon my answer, which I resent. either I give you a ‘correct’ answer, which is a number that isn’t too high for your standards, and I come away with a positive judgement by pure chance, or I give an ‘incorrect’ answer, which is a number that you think is too high, and I’ve probably fallen into the ‘slut’, ‘easy’ or ‘no self-respect’ category (bonus points for me if you label me all three!) but not only do I not want you to think that I’m a slut for having sex with ‘too many’ people, but I also do not want you to think that I’m a good or better person because I haven’t exceeded that number. I’m not interested in playing the game at all. coincidentally, since this ‘game’ doesn’t interest me, I don’t count my sexual partners and thus probably couldn’t answer this question even if I wanted to.